From the Pedal Stool to the Book Shelf...

I sat down for the LAPD Polygraph test and this is what happened...
As soon as I sat down the fun began.
LAPD Investigator started off with.
LAPD Investigator: "Now this polygraph is going to messure your flight or fight reaction.  Imagine a man comes in with a butcher's knife ready to kill you.  You will either fight him or flight will take over."
I feel all of my blood rush through my body and I'm ready for action...
LAPD Investigator straps me up and I feel like I'm on the electric chair with how I'm sitting.  My head, chest, arm, finger tips, and even butt cheeks are being monitored.
LAPD Investigator: "Settle down Mitchiner you are off the charts and we haven't even started yet."
Me: "Ok I'm fine."
I could feel Father Baba Booey's Hot Troll breath breathing down my neck...
Baba Booey: "You gonna fail Puddin.  You goon fail!"  and he let out a Troll Squel of delight.
I could feel my son looking at me...
Donovan: "You are going to take me to the LAPD Football games against the Sheriffs?  I'm proud of you daddy."
LAPD Investigator:  "Settle down Mitchiner you are off the charts.  I can't get a reading on you."
Me: "I am settled down."
LAPD Investigator: "Are the lights on in this room Mitchiner?"
In my head I thought: (I think so...right...maybe when I took mushrooms that one time I don't know any more?  Maybe I'm still hallucinating?  Is a dude with a butcher's knife gonna come into this room with the lights on or off?)
Me: "Yes"
LAPD Investigator: "Mitchiner you are off the charts!"
They asked me all these questions and then they asked me...
LAPD Investigator: "When you got in the fight with True Love, was that your only domestic dispute and you didn't fight back?"
In my head I thought: (Call her, she knows it, the only fight we ever had since I've known her when I was 19 yrsld was the night she told me the best summer of her life was the summer with out me when she was a "Charlie's Angels" getting fucked by other dudes from bars and everywhere else.  I hit her in the arm and she went after me with all she had and I never retaliated just blocked my face and she ripped off my NA chain.  I know this, she knows this...but when I'm asked about it.  Well right now at this second it doesn't bring a warm reaction from me.)
Me: "Yes"
LAPD Investigator: "Mitchiner you are off the charts!  You have to settle down!"
Needless to say from the moment that strapped me up to the polygraph until it was over I am off the charts. 
LAPD had me take the polygraph test a second time right away and this is how it went...
LAPD Investigator: "Mitchiner do you feel relaxed?  Did you get a good night's rest?"
Me: "Yes, I feel great!"
LAPD Investigator: "Ok, here we go Mitchiner.  I'm going to ask you the exact same questions from last time.  NOTHING is going to change.  Just relax.  OK?"
Me. "I feel great.  I feel totally relaxed."
LAPD Investigator hooks me up to polygraph machine 2nd time....
LAPD Investigator: "Mitchiner you are off the charts!  Settle down!"
Me: "I am settled down!"
LAPD Investigator apologized that they are now required to use the polygraph on all candidates because they removed it in the 90s and some LAPD got busted for planting evidence and making a lot disappear (everybody deserves a bonus!).
Needless to say I was off the charts.  LAPD sent me a letter I can take the polygraph a 3rd time in 12 months...but whatever.  If I made it past that and they did the psychological exam and asked me if I ever thought of suicide and I would have to tell them, "Sure when I lost everything and didn't have enough money to take care of True Love, my son, and our family, I was going to check out."  Probably wouldn't have gone over well.  Then there is always the medical exam and I have cancer...

So LAPD is over...and I just got the call back from the US Navy...I tried to enlist in the Navy when I was 35 but I was rejected because of my cancer.  They told me I could wait a little bit and try again...so I moved to LA and tried to enlist again and was rejected.  Then there was a waiver floating around the US Navy because my biological father had served in the military and was Special Forces and I just found out Tuesday that was rejected as well...

So that is it ladies and gentlemen...no LAPD, IDF, US Navy, French Foreign Legion, nothing at all for me because of my cancer.  I found out the hard way that once you have cancer you always have it and it can re appear at any time, like what happened to me. 
I have learned so much that once you get LAPD, Special Forces training there is a whole private sector that you can make so much money doing.  S.I.S.S., Black Water, and so many more that I know about now that I never knew.  I missed my calling, LAPD, SEALS, F.B.I, Special Forces, etc.  I never knew what I was missing...ad sales doesn't quite cut it.
Or does it?  Sales reps are crazy!  Especially in LA.  If I don't have to be good...well.  JK, I'm a good boy. 

So I'm with LA Love the other night and I'm trying to be strong with her now and lay it all down.  If she wants to be with her dreamy man, I need to move on.  I can't allow her what I've allowed True Love and New Love the same powers over me.  The power that they can come back into my life when ever they feel like it and I kick all other girls and commitments to the curb.  That's all I do with LA Love, I'm like Batman with my Red Bat Phone.  As soon as she wants me I'm on my way...always.

I let a young girl read my latest book, Boston Wedding and she enjoyed it a lot.  What she took away from it was the love that Alice Mitchell and Freda Ward Shared for each other and the fact that Alice Mitchell did the whole 'if I can't have you nobody will' and killed Freda Ward.  I filled it with the love I felt and the death of it all for True Love.  That is a true story and the true stories of real true love blows me away because I realize now I've never had a woman feel that way about me.  When I lost it all and had cancer True Love was never by my side and just wanted to be fucked by other men.  Just like she did to me when she turned 21.  New Love did the same when I lost my job and couldn't provide her and her daughter the stability she seek ed she moved on with other men.  LA Love as much as I love her, she wants to continue to live and be fucked by another man...

I've never experienced, 'True Love'.  I never had, 'Mark Anthony/Cleopatra', 'King Edward VIII/Mary Simpson', 'John Keates/Fanny Brawne' and it goes on for eternity...

I met with LA Love the other night and I told her what I've done with True Love and New Love is I'm not going to kill them or kill myself over them.  The only thing I can do is hope the best for them and that they are happy with the men they chosen to fuck them for the rest of their lives.  I told LA Love that I have put them on the book shelf.  We shared our amazing time together and it's over and I wish them the best. 

I gave LA Love a great card that I wrote her stuff only she will know and then I told her...
Me: "I want you to be happy and if you are happier with another man then I'm happy for you and I need to put you on the book shelf for me to move on." 
LA Love looked at me and batted her big blue eye's and said through those big thick full lips...
LA Love: "I don't want you to put me on the book shelf!"

WTF Ladies and gentlemen...?  I try to be strong and it's just not fair hot girls and their special powers over men...so not fair.

So I'm with LA Love and we do our thing and it's all crazy and confusing and then we meet up later in the night with a group of her girlfriends at Blue Plate Taco in Santa Monica.  Everyone there is hip and chick and get this...I'm there with LA Love that is super hot and 3 more chics and I'm the only dude with them all!
I'm in fucking paradise.  One of the girls is a 10.10 but just got married to some super rich surfer guy, she lives half her time in Malibu and then in Oahu.  Another hot chic that is friends with LA Love is moving back to Oahu and then there is LA Love that lives with her dude in Playa del Rey and another chic in Malibu and then...me!  I look like the token gay guy that these hot chics all confide their most deep dark secrets to but instead I'm looking at all of these hot chics and thinking of so many deep dark things I want to do to all of them individually and all together with me. 
It was soooooo awesome....
And the thing is if I was alone and went up to them all to hit on them I would have gone after the 10.10 who was just married and it would have been a catastrophic failure.
But because I'm there with LA Love I can network myself into openings...

There is LikedIn for business...there needs to be a networking way into single women...it's all about who you know...

I have to kill my biological father...
It's going to be tough...
He was Special Forces and an officer in the US Army
That will never be my path...

Can I become bigger and greater then he ever was as a Self Published Author?
Cancer Research/Awareness, Helping Homeless, Kids In Foster Care, and MMA have all of my thoughts and attention...
We will see...
But a little secret is I don't care about any success or criticism.  Before cancer I wanted a book deal so bad and was willing to cry over a love publicly to try and get her back...

Now...I'll be writing and publishing my books because I LOVE IT.  I'll be stepping back in the octagon to fight to the end  because I LOVE IT. 
Gone are the days of wanting and needing a 'LOVE' by my side. 
I can take them off their pedal stool and in to my book shelf...
This is MY STORY...enjoy.

Updates coming...My Head Is Spinning It's Self Off

A homeless guy tweaked on something tried to kick it off in Venice Beach that I was telling him about Step Up On Second.

The people that work at Step Up On Second in Santa Monica, LA are some of the most hardcore amazing people in the world.  When you go in there it's more like going into a prison.  All the employee's are behind thick enclosed glass and walls because many of the homeless are all over the place.  I almost got head-butted by a homeless guy tweaked out on drugs, he just couldn't control himself.

The two most life altering things I have ever experienced have been:
1) Walking through the Children's Ward at Robert Wood Johnson Hospital in New Brunswick, NJ.  Seeing the perfectly healthy parents dropping off their children with cancer and seeing the little children with cancer that you know aren't going to make it giving it all they've got to try to with the nurses...
I have my dreams and I'm going after them like a kamikaze ninja warrior set on fire high on opium.
These children with cancer never even got to start a dream...
2) Walking into Step Up On Second in Santa Monica, LA.  Seeing the people working with the homeless and what they are all up against...it's sooooo over whelming.  How to help the homeless go from zombies to becoming part of functional society?

Updates are coming...
Working with awesome people at Step Up On Second and doing my part to try to get the homeless to take that First Step despite being cursed at, spit on, sucker kicked up side my head.  The homeless don't get it, I'm the Naked Author - Jason William Mitchiner.  I've been spit on in Times Square in my speedo promoting my books.  I get cursed at by all my haters daily.  I get kick in my head all the time in MMA as long as I can get back up I'm coming back for you.

LAPD polygraph...BOO!  I took it twice and can take it a third time.  I'm off the charts from the moment they hook me up.I can't calm my mind...ever.  Some people aren't polygraphable and NA no way!  More to come...
The former LAPD COP Killer in CA that is terminating COPS.  WTF!  I was trying to be a new generation of LAPD...with a more open mind mind set.
US Navy ASVAB Test coming up.
Awesome new job
kayak training
work on my cancer fund raiser
LA Love
MMA training to fight
books
adventure
girls
Step Up On Second
Kobe Bryant
Lakers and the homeless all going to a game with me that become members of Step Up On Second
Writing
girls
LA Love
LA Love
LA Love

FFL...5 yrs of hell on earth...come back to my identity or live the rest of my life as Pierre somewhere?
Come on US Navy...don't mind my lil cancer...I swear I won't take my shirt off!
If they clear me I'll be going in as an E5 and then see what lil adventures I can get myself into.
I know get it all in writing before I shove off!

Stock in Cock? Compatibility VS Love Who Wins?

You ever have that moment in your life where you lose your $100k a year job, the girl you are in love with, and all of your material possessions?  You ever have that moment?  I've had that moment happen to me more then I'd like to remember.  Once was enough...trust me.
Well now I'm having a moment...but it's the opposite of that...

I took the Physical Test and Polygraph Test for the LAPD.  I past the Physical Test, the Polygraph Test they are reviewing.  That is an intense test!  It's like being hooked up to the electric chair.  It measures how much you sweat, heart rate, breathing, how much you squeeze your butt cheeks!  I squeeze my butt cheeks all the time!  Every time I pull my car over in the desert and their is a sex doll thrown near by from truckers.  Every time something in the ocean hits my kayak to investigate me if I'm worth eating.  I tend to squeeze my but cheeks a lot! 
So I don't know what to tell the Polygraph Examiner. 
Everything is under review now...all out of my hands.  But everything matters, that my biological father was an officer in the Army and a Green Beret, that I kill it at CAPS, everything I do and am doing right now matters...

Monday I go and take the ASVAB test for the Navy and go to MEPS.  I don't know what they will say about my cancer if enough time has gone by or not?  All out of my hands...

The gnarliest thing I have found, if I absolutely want the taste of combat, but again I don't know if I could do it if I don't believe in what exactly I'm fighting for...is the French Foreign Legion.  5 years of my life gone.  5 year not seeing my son grow up.  5 years of combat and no way out.  5 years of no girls...they get prostitutes but that goes against all I stand for as a Gay Heterosexual Romantic Author. 
"Someone who wants to join the French Foreign Legion is:
1. a much older person -- the french foreign legion accepts recruits up to the age of 40 (but prefer to get their recruits younger).
2. he has already travelled extensively.
3. he has already been sated by what life can offer him, and join the french foreign legion to forget his former life"
Imagine just leaving your life without a trace for 5 years and when you come back you can decide to go back to your life or stay in your new life the French Foreign Legion has given you?

This is probably the best article I read of the FFL in Vanity Fair.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2012/12/french-foreign-legion-expendables

I don't know what my future holds with LAPD, NAVY, FFL, and combat.

I do know, Step Up On Second, is one of the greatest programs I've ever been involved with  in my life.  There was a moment when I was on the steps of the NY Public Library in my NA outfit and I had just ran up the Empire State Building Race and went to the NY Giants Super Bowl Ticker Tape Parade.  I had my $100k a year job and a lot of girl friends on the side and I felt like a big man. Another man walked up the steps to me and had just lost his job and had a family to take care of and asked me if I could help him in any way, with any jobs I might know of, or contacts.  I couldn't help that man at that time in my life and it torments me to this day.  I remember the look in his eyes, I know that feeling as a man when you can no longer provide and you feel less then dirt...I've been there myself.

I was with this girl in Venice, good looking girl, she's some kind of doctor works at USC.  She told me so many of her students are trust fund kids and so rich.  Anyway (more on that later), I'm with her and we are in line to eat at some hip restaurant and a lady comes up to everyone waiting in line and asks for money and says she just lost her job.  Everyone refuses to give her money or even look at her.  I refuse to give her money too...but what I do give the homeless is respect.  I look at them in their eyes, I ask for their names, I want to know who they are.  The girl that I was in line with blew the homeless lady off as well.  The homeless lady walked away and I got out of line and stopped the homeless lady and told her about, Step Up On Second.  The look on her face as I told her about it and that she can become a member and they will work with her and find a job for her.  You should have seen her face...She told me most men approach her and tell her that they can help her but then end up asking for sex acts...
As I was helping the homeless lady the girl I was with didn't know what to do because she saw me involved with the homeless lady and then she came up to us and gave the homeless lady some money that the homeless lady took and I frowned.  Money won't solve the problem but programs like, Step Up On Second will. 
Later we sat down at the restaurant and I told her about, Step Up On Second, and how I want to get all the homeless to become members.  She was blown away by me, she wasn't expecting all of this from me.  She has no idea how much she is in for with me, like her being written about and the battle I have within myself with all relationships that I'm in...

So here we go...this is something I'm battling right now...Love VS Compatibility.
I met the Dutches of Los Angeles...one of the richest girls I've ever been with.  We are insanely compatible.  Like, I mean in everything, so fun, so easy going, she thinks I'm the most ambitious man on planet earth.  BUT...I don't love her and that is a problem.  I met with a psychotherapist and she asked me if I ever cheated on True Love and I told her happily, "No. Never."  Never had a desire to at all.  Nor would I have cheated on New Love or LA Love.  Once you have Love in your title, I mean it.  Forever and ever or at least until I lose everything and you leave me for another man (Except LA Love has broken that rule but she's with another man still, at least for now). 
All my friends are telling me stick with the Dutches of LA, she's younger then me and rich.  But I don't care about money.  Her dad never worked a day in his life, he's a 60 yrld man baby.  I've done more in my life at 36 then he could ever imagine.  But all I accomplish  in my life means nothing to any of her family, not landing a $10 million book deal, nothing.  I want it all to matter.  I want to have my big man moment with someone that it means something to which brings us back to LA Love...
I know how I felt from the moment I met LA Love in Chicago and it was love, well, at first sight, like True Love, a little different but it still happened.  She has put all she has got into me from the second we met in Chicago.  Why am I in Los Angeles?  Because of her.  You could say LA Love has invested in me, she has bought Stock in Cock!  She met me in Chicago and believed I truly can become all that I'm trying to become. 

And now I landed a great job with Internet Brands in El Segundo.  5 minutes away from me ladies and gentlemen.  I can ride a bicycle to work!  And the Ritz Carlton offered me a job to Valet but it's full time.  I'm going to see if they will let me do it part time after work and weekends.  The full time Valet dudes at the Ritz Carlton in Marina del Rey make bank!  Such a fun cool job!  But I'm sticking to my career in ad sales and everything else is secondary.  Except if LAPD wants me...then I have some serious life decisions to make. 

If you are a single guy please come to Los Angeles.  You owe it to yourself.  Please come.  Remember I use to date girls in NYC and Hoboken when I worked at Gannett making $45,000 a year?  You ever go out for a night with a girl in Manhattan?  The bar tab alone without food is over $300.  All the girls expect me to pay it, take them out to dinners, clubs, hotel rooms, vacations, buy them things.  You know how many girls laughed at me because I only made $45,000 a year?  You know how many girls dropped my ass because I could only afford to take them out once a month and had to save up and begged them not to go out with other dudes while I counted my piggy bank?  A whole lot.  
Well fellas, Los Angeles is wayyyyyyyyyy different.  LA there is the Labowski syndrome, there are some seriously lazy dudes out here.  I mean do nothing, will work on their resume tomorrow, owe $40k in child support.  All you have to do in LA as a single man is just have a job, any job.  I don't care if it's at Ralphs, a Gas Station, or you are Leo DiCaprio.  LA women are soooooo happy that you work.  You have beaten out 90% of the men in LA.  LA girls will smile at you.  I mean full on, go out of their way to smile at you, and if you don't smile back you will hurt their feelings and self esteem because that's what you do in LA is smile at each other.  In NYC it's just any icy stare down to the death. 

Los Angeles might be my favorite place on planet earth...
You know my whole life, since I was a kid going through hard times to this very day...I've always had something by my side...always...a beautiful woman.  
I'm so happy the world is full of women and in Los Angeles they are extra special with a cherry on top. 

I'm so glad I didn't die from cancer or I would have missed all this!  Now I've got to go to work, see my son, write my next book, help the homeless, train for my next MMA fight, keep testing for LAPD and Navy, train to kayak to Catalina Island, raise $10k for cancer research on crowdrise.com/NakedAuthorKayak, and order a lot of full body lycra suits so cancer can't come back and try to stop the fun!