God told me if I changed my ways all of my dreams will come true. I keep asking myself what does god mean by changing my ways? I'm never going to stop going out with girls, I'm a single man, a bachelor. But I understand now god means that if I'm going to start a relationship with a girl that I can't just kick her to the curb anymore like I have all women for my ex-girlfriend when she decides she wants to get off other dude's dicks and come back to mine. I kicked my ex-wife to the curb to be with my ex-girlfriend and now I understand I also did that to my son. I agreed for my ex-wife to move to Maryland with my son so she could re-marry with her husband who lives and works in Maryland so she could move on and hopefully be happy again.
I hear all of these people with their new year resolutions and I couldn't think of one for me. Get in great shape? I am thanks to MMA. Write a book? I've written four and two are in the making I just need True Love to inspire me again to write them. Become rich and famous? I'm making that happen right now as your read this blog thanks to ABC.
I was out last night for New Year's and living it up in every way you can imagine that I like to live it up. When I woke up in the morning at the pretty young girls place she put on a movie, 2012 starring John Cusack. Its about a dad that is a struggling author that not many people have read his books and he is consumed in his own world of writing them and trying to make it and failed at his marriage that he had two kids with his ex-wife who is re-married. The end of the world is coming and John Cusack is able to save the day. But the movie is made for dads, all of the fuck up dads that get consumed by their dreams and sometimes aren't always the best daddies but down at their core all of the dads do love their children, just some of them it took the end of the world to finally show it for their children....
I was crying uncontrollably in front of this girl. The young, pretty girl I was with couldn't really relate and I wouldn't expect her to.
I have a son out there somewhere in the world. He lives in Maryland. I don't get to see him that often. 2xs a month I get to pick him up, late Friday night 7pm then he goes to sleep, I get him all day on Saturday and then return him on Sunday. I basically get my son for 2 full days a month. I'm only allowed to talk to him on the phone at 7pm at night every other day for 30min. If I call a minute early no one picks up and if I can't call at 7-730pm I have no chance of talking to him again. Imagine if that was your kid that you couldn't just pick up the phone and talk to when you felt like it or for him to call you? My son tells me that he cries for me at night sometimes and I tell him he can always call me but it never happens. I didn't realize agreeing for my ex-wife to move to Maryland to move on with her husband to be happy meant that I would be so alienated from my own son.
Well this is all bullshit. I know I've been hyper focused on becoming rich and famous and landing my own $10million Snooki book deal. I work at Gannett and I make a salary and commission. I was thinking of getting a new car just for dates. Forget it. All my money is going to higher the best lawyers I can to fight for my rights to see and communicate with my son more often again. I use to see him and talk to him every day until he was 4yrs old. Now he is 6, I can't really tell you I know who my own kid is anymore...
Sorry if this was a sad post but its real.
My New Years Resolution is to know my son again at all cost!
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