I was left for dead this time last year by the world. I picked myself back up and then cancer tried to kill me. It's taken me 10yrs of my life from writing my first book and trying to figure out how I'm going to become a legitimate author and put my books in every book store across the nation and now the moment might have arrived...
The producers of ABC, everyone in the world that reads my blog, watches me on Youtube, and everywhere else all know what my goal is and what I am ultimately trying to accomplish...to sign the $10million Snooki book deal but not just for one book that is written by someone else, I'm in this for the long haul. I want to turn my 4 books into 40 for the next 40 years. I didn't just pick up writing for the fun of it. I've been writing forever and when I was 9 living in CA I met authors and decided right then that I will be an author. If I could go back in time I would never have picked being an author. If I could pick my talent I'd pick singing...put that on Youtube. Who wants to watch a nearly naked dude suffering with his books like the loser my ex-girlfriend called me.
My ex-girlfriend loved throwing in my face that I live in a fantasy world and not reality because I believed in myself and my books that I could make my dreams come true and sign a book deal for my beloved books that I've written. She told me to quit, walk away from my dreams, and kill my books. And for her I was...but it wasn't good enough she still wanted other dude's dicks. Well the reality is I have met the producers of ABC. The reality is they know my story and have my fourth book, That's all HE wrote that they asked me for. The reality is I may be going on national TV and maybe a spin off to the Bachelor or something else?
But how? How am I going to do it? The producers asked me if I watched Bachelor(ette). I told them no, I'm busy at night fighting MMA and writing books, I've never watched Bachelor(ette). But girls are filling me in fast. They told me if I go on and I'm shouting, "I'm the Naked Author Jason William Mitchiner! The greatest author of my generation! Give me my $10million book deal for my books I've written bitches!" The Bacherlorette will boot me right off the show. I've been told there has been a wrestler that was all into being a wrestler and singers and others that were trying to promote themselves. So how am I going to do it ladies and gentlemen? How the hell am I going to survive the cuts with the Bachelorette? My own friends tell me I don't stand a chance. They say things like they will set their DVRs to record the first episode because that is as far as I'll go. I know all of my short comings. They are pointed out by everyone, I'm lucky to have any hair on my head after all I've suffered through in life, I have wrinkles, I'm not perfect and beautiful. I know all of these things. I look in the mirror every day and see all of my flaws internally and externally. But I also know what I am...and I'm on a fucking mission that neither God nor Satan can keep me from accomplishing. I show up in Hollywood I'll put Shirley Temple to shame until they name an alcoholic drink after me.
If I'm going to Hollywood as a finalist I'm showing up ready to sing, write, fight, fuck until Hollywood doesn't want me anymore. Whatever ABC asks of me it will be done. But how am I going to make the cuts on the Bachelorette you ask? Simple...True Love will win it all for me. I had it once, I know what it's like. It's not made up. For all the things I've ever called my ex-girlfriend and the thought that she willingly chose to put other dude's dicks in her mouth, pussy, and ass over me destroyed me. She did that to me in our 20's and I forgave her and now she has done it to me again in our 30's and when I got cancer and there is no forgiving that ever...but I can't ever take away from her the feelings that I got from her from the moment I saw her at Sandy Hook, NJ. Every cliche you have ever heard I felt. The smell of her hair, the taste of her skin, the sound of her voice hit me like no other woman ever has. I'm on a quest to find that again. If I get everything I've ever dreamed of and we all know how big my dreams are what's the point if I don't have True Love to share it with? It's the reason I want to battle the world, I am your knight that will slay the dragon and return with all of the treasures of the world for you. What am I going to do with all the treasures by myself? When I get in the cage to battle someone, I listen for True Love's voice cheering for me, I look for her smiling face before combat. For her I will fight to my death, True Love is worth it. BUT and I mean a BIG GIANT BUTT like corn fed, rice and beans BUTT!!! Let's say I make the cuts with the Bacherlorette and ABC has picked my next True Love. The woman I feel all those things I've only felt with my ex-girlfriend and then the Bachelorette fucks other dudes and I have to follow that up? What will I do? My ex-girlfriend could have came back to me the whole year I kept trying to get her back. We stayed in contact and she kept teasing me, but the moment she told me she willingly chose other dude dick over mine and she won't be by my side during cancer-that was the end. No going back to her ever again. That is True Love 101. 1. If it is True Love, there is no other person you ever want to be with except for your True Love. Unless you are rapped, there is zero reason that you shouldn't be with your True Love over another person. 2. If you are mortally wounded and death is a very real possibility like me when I had cancer, you must be by your True Love's side. No way around that one people. You can't decide to fuck another person and be with your 'True Love' in spirit.
So what do I do if I accomplish the impossible with the Bachelorette and make the cuts and fall in love with her and then she fucks other dudes? Will I suck it up and just fuck away like I do with all girls that I'm with that aren't my True Love? Or do I walk away from the Bachelorette like I did my ex-girlfriend and tell her she broke True Love 101? Or does the Bachelorette pick me and only me to sleep with because we have REAL TRUE LOVE together forever?
I don't know? But I do know this. My ex-girlfriend loved throwing my failures in my face with my books and she gave me this famous line when I was at rock bottom, "How'd that work out for you?"
Well ladies and gentlemen we will all find out together now wont we? Hopefully it will all be on ABC and we will see how this "shallow, loser, boy"s dreams all work out for him...
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