9/12/11 I had to go to Robert Wood Johnson Hospital and find out if cancer had reached my lymph nodes that they removed from my left arm. I found out that my aggressively metastasizing cancer hadn't reached my lymph nodes and I beat cancer! "God" was right. "God" told me if I'm a good boy and stop playing with the devil all of my dreams will come true...(Just for everyone's clarification there is no God, like the man in the sky with a lightning bolt pointed at my ass. "God" is me, it's my inner "God", my voice of reason when I meditate and take time for clarity in my ultra hyper warp speed life).
When I sent in my Survivor audition tape before the Oct 4th deadline I told everyone at work and for the rest of October every day I would be asked, "Did you hear back from Survivor." Well now I HAVE HEARD BACK from Bachelorette it is a million times worse! Everyone at work, Fed Ex, Dunkin Donuts (I get coffee from a pretty girl that her 11yrld sister is fighting cancer), and places I go out are all asking me, "So when do you go on? What's next?" I DON'T KNOW! I just faxed everything that Ashley the casting director wanted Wed. 11/23/11 10am to her. How long it will take to hear back from her is killing me...
I keep checking my emails for two things and keep re reading the emails that I have already received pertaining to these two life changing events...
1. I can't really mention yet. It's a longer process but one that will ultimately affect my day to day life in every way. Dream come true...and it's in motion.
2. Bachelorette 8 is also in motion. Some of my guy friends tell me I've got no shot at winning. Girls are telling me to stand out, do not play the True Love hopeless romantic author guy (nobody really likes that guy). Everyone is telling me I CAN NOT get booted off first round. Girls are telling me to stand out and make America love to hate me but not go over the top like I have the ability to do and make everyone hate me.
You think there is going to be pressure ladies and gentlemen? I got to rep Jersey, got to make a name for myself. This is my one shot to do it on national TV. Get the Snooki book deal but I have to spin this into longevity. I need the book deal for all of my future historical fiction that I will write for the rest of my life. I can't just let this be a one hit wonder. Like Snooki got the one book deal for $5million but there will never be Snooki book number two and three. Where with me that is exactly where I'm ultimately trying to drive all of this into...is the long term book deal for all of my books I've written and will write about great heroes of history with the fiction and romance of True Love.
So this is the pressure mounting and this is the stuff running through my head right now. Did anyone watch Family Guy last night? There was a scene where one of the Wright Brother's (The brothers that invented first flight at Kitty Hawk, Outer Banks NC 1903)girlfriend dumps Orville Wright and she is at a restaurant with her girlfriend and complaining saying, "Orville is always working on that stupid plane that he thinks will fly!" Her and her girlfriend begin to snicker together, then in the background you see the Wright brothers fly by in their airplane and Orville Wright yells out, "Look at me now Bitch!" The girlfriend and her friend stop laughing and look out the window. Then Orville flies the plane by his girlfriend again and shouts, "I'm sorry, I miss you, you are so pretty."
My god, I saw that last night and tears began running down my face as I was laughing so hard...I was thinking about my NA Dog Tag and the writing on the back of it, "How'd that work out for you." Quote from my ex girlfiend...
All of this, the broken nose, reality shows, standing in the snow in Times Square in Speedos and Spandex, banging on the doors of Random House, everything that I have done and am doing is because I believe I CAN make my books fly...pressure is on.
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